Trying out green smoothies!

I promised some smoothie recipes, and here they are. It’s my first time making “green” smoothies, and I had a lot of fun with it. I’ve been saving recipes to try out and I think I’ll keep making updates like these, including the good and (you’ll see next week) the bad.

My supermarket sells huge portions of kale that I’m still working through hence why all the kale in each recipe. I made such big portions because I was drinking them at work in place of breakfast/lunch. I try to not make them too sweet and not use too many fruits but if on the first try it doesn’t taste good, fruits are helpful to make it palatable!

Monday: Kale Banana Berry Smoothie

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My favorite! My own recipe, based off of ingredients I bought at the store. It turned a nasty-looking brown color after a couple of hours but still tasty!

Tuesday: PB Kale Smoothie

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This one was pretty good, a bit more filling. I was worried that I would get hungry during the day because I didn’t eat a lot the day before so I added ground oatmeal, grinding it to a powder before adding anything else.

Wednesday: Veggie Blast Smoothie

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Not very tasty recipe, but drinkable. I added peppers and carrots after reading about daily nutritional guidelines and getting it into my head that I needed more orange and red veggies…but this isn’t the best way I think. I will also try sieving the blackberry seeds out next time.

Thursday: Melon Smoothie

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The first one I couldn’t finish! It tasted so…melon-y. My mom brought home cantelopes and honedew from work and I thought I should use them up, but I really did not enjoy the taste. It just wasn’t for me, but I think other people might enjoy it. Looking back through this recipe makes me go…What was I thinking???

Friday: Soy Banana Bread

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I didn’t intend to purchase any protein powder, but I was at the store on Thursday and couldn’t resist picking this one up. I was really excited to try it out, and this recipe was really really good! I modified the recipe from the bag. This makes a small cup but I added a lot of extra ice and water to stretch it and make a full big cup.

Saturday and Sunday I took a break!

Drinking these smoothies made me really focus on only eating when I was hungry, and it made me want healthier options for dinner because I already planned out the calories for breakfast. I would look forward to making dinner after my workout, so it’s a win win.

What are some smoothie recipes you’ve had that you really enjoy? Let me know and I’ll give them a try!

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My New Healthy Schedule – March Update

So it’s three months into 2018 and I can tell it’s going to be a better year for me than last.

Got started on Zoloft 50mg in January (post coming soon) and made a bunch of appointments to all the doctors I’ve been neglecting to see, applied to a bunch of jobs and went on some interviews. Went back to work at my old job in February.

Now It’s March and I started making smoothies daily and exercising, started to save money again and pay off my credit cards. It’s all looking up again.

The most amazing thing I think is that I finally found the inner motivation to start putting an effort into my health. I think I’ve been putting it off mostly because I put finding a job on the forefront of my Things To Do.

So…my first paycheck I renewed my Planet Fitness membership and bought some veggies and fruits and it’s been pretty easy sticking to a daily self care schedule. It was actually simple to figure out since its structured to follow my work schedule, and it’s easy to stick for three reasons:

  1. The things I would put off or forget to do, like use my inhaler, I do after I get up and drink some water. And after I use my inhaler, I remember that I should weigh myself. Then I get started on my smoothie, which I was looking forward to since last night.
  2. I have things to look forward to. In the morning I make a smoothie (+), at noon I take my Zoloft (+), and after the gym and a shower I eat dinner (+). Then, I’m free to relax for the rest of the night (+).
  3. I put my house keys into a tiny makeup bag along with my gym locker and sweatband, so that when I open the door to my house it’s already on my mind that I have to go to the gym, or exercise at home when I can’t get to the gym.

My Schedule:

  • 6:30 Wake up.
  • Weigh myself, take my daily inhaler. Make a smoothie for work while (maybe) drinking some green tea, get ready for work. Get picked up at 7:45.
  • 7:45 Get picked up for work.
  • 8:00 Make coffee at work.
  • 11:00 I get a bit hungry so I start sipping my smoothie, which lasts a few hours.
  • 12:00 I take my Zoloft.
  • If I’m hungry later on I might have packed a soft boiled egg or a Kind bar. Drink lots of water, maybe more coffee until…
  • 5:30/6:00 I leave work.
  • 6:30/7:00 Get home, get ready for the gym.
  • 7:00-7:30 Gym.
  • 8:00 Shower, moisturize, make dinner, eat dinner, relax.

I’ve been using a few apps that have helped: My FitBit watch, Lose It! for tracking calories, Nike+ for exercise, and RENPHO, my new scale/app which “measures” body fat and other things. I don’t buy into its accuracy, but it’s a cool new digital scale where I can see how I’m progressing.

I’ll post some more detailed updates and smoothie recipes soon.

On 2017

I started this post a couple of times. I started out complaining, trying to make sense of the bad parts of the year. Got annoyed, so I tried to spin it positive. Made a timeline and a bunch of lists of the most pivotal moments. Both posts were deleted. They felt fake, they didn’t feel like me.

It boils down to: I fucked up this year, but I still changed a lot so it’s not all gone to shit.

Picture me freshly graduated, working in an office that put me through the last years of college with a boss that doesn’t care about his company. I did not line up a job in my degree-field-of-choice but a week into January I was scheduled for Jury Duty and I quit.

A little while later my mom left to Russia for a few months so I was pretty busy until May, struggling through a simulation of single mother life: taking care of the home and my little sister with PDD, and covering my mom’s babysitting job. I was used to sleeping in until the afternoon at the time so I snuck in a bunch of naps, stress eating, stress smoking, and drinking throughout the day. Other attempts of self medication were getting a tattoo, getting an eyebrow piercing, dying my hair pink (again), and planning to escape to Chicago upon my mother’s return.

In May my intentions were pure: I wanted to find a job as a server, barback, bartender. I spent a small percentage of my time searching and most of my time editing a short film,  writing, and trying to distract myself from realizing I was miserable. So passed June, and July, and my mom brought me back to reality: don’t look for a job until after August, since she was planning to leave for another three weeks.

September rolls around and success: I got a job as a server! Finally had some money, was paying off my Crazy Credit Card Charges, went on vacation to Washington where I fell in love with how the west coast lives and started to once again dream up an escape. Too bad the server job sucked and I wasn’t payed hourly so once I started making $5 an hour from tips instead of at least minimum wage I quit in October. Searched for new work for a bit, got another reality check from my mom: look for a job in the new year. What?? She’s spending Christmas with her dad in Russia since it’s his birthday and she’ll be back New Years.

And that’s how you fuck up a whole year. You loan your life to other people, for them to live theirs. I gave up and stopped fighting for what I want, for even searching for what I want. I let negativity and uncertainty fuck with me and own me. God I could endlessly complain about how fucked 2017 was. But fuck that.

Let’s take a look at the best things I did this year.

  • I went off social media.
  • I didn’t contact my friends anymore; I took other people off my mind.
  • I read The Beautiful and Damned while listening to jazz. It helped me romanticize not doing shit rather than beat myself up over it.
  • I made an effort to start loving myself, understanding myself, believing in my own judgement.
  • Thinking of my boyfriend as the second most important person in my life, after me.

I can say a lot of bullshit about what I wish for 2018. I could stand to lose some weight, exercise, have a healthy relationship to food and alcohol, be a better person. What I actually want is to read more, think more, question more, and trust in myself more.

My Experience – Surgical Abortion and IUD Recovery PP

For the first few days after the abortion I was feeling pretty fine. Mild cramping, sometimes I didn’t feel any pain at all. I was bleeding regularly and was using thick pads for two weeks.

Almost a week after, however, I started getting really bad cramps. I would lay in bed and pills, heatpacks, massages didn’t help. I was taking 800 mg of ibuprofen every 6 hours.Read More »

My Experience – Surgical abortion after 7 weeks (PP)

For a few weeks I was feeling really emotional, my boobs were sore, I was nauseous constantly throughout the day, couldn’t drink coffee anymore. I missed my period. I joked with my sister that every period I miss I get scared that I’m pregnant until I start bleeding a few days later. This time I was in denial, but I had a nagging feeling that I should get a pregnancy test.Read More »

Bad Reputation

It’s June, many months have passed and many milestones acquired.

I have officially become Hot Mess. No amount of inspirational quotes can get someone out of this mess. It’s face head on, deal with shit, and move on, be better, be who you want to be.

In an attempt to make this happen, once again getting rid of facebook, shedding people who aren’t cool, trying to focus on getting myself to a place I can be proud of.

Join me.